no ordinary moments

We've all see people who have a million pictures of themselves on MySpace or Facebook. (I've got to admit, I was one of those people until I deleted my MySpace account for various reasons.) But you want to know what I find really really funny?

The arm.

Have you ever noticed how very few people get other people to take pictures of them or have not learned how to use the timer function on their cameras?

They all have one arm sticking out of the frame, usually toward the viewer, obviously holding the camera. Proving one - these are not candid shots, two - these people really like looking at themselves, and three - they can't even use a freakin camera.

I honestly think mirror shots are better. At least that way you aren't trying to hide the camera.

silly myspace people

Okay, how lame is it that I, the girl with the 35 ACT and the love of alternative music, am seriously looking forward to the High School Musical 2 premiere? I mean, really?

I've discovered something.  I'm not good at interacting with people.

Okay, let me revise that.  I'm no good at interacting with people I sorta know.

When I'm with close or even semi-close friends, I'm okay.  I'm comfortable and willing to talk and hang out and have a generally good time.  When I'm with total strangers, I'm also mostly okay.  I don't mind talking and being myself.  But when I'm with people that I know slightly, people that I could easily point out and possibly tell you their extra-curricular activities, probably what clique they belong to, and what they're mostly like.... meaning general acquaintances... I'm no good at being friendly.

Tonight, I found myself in a situation where I spent my time staring at walls rather than engaging in conversation with the other seven people at the table.  Where I watched them as if they were a mildly interesting television program, not like they were actual people.  I watched them; I didn't really say much all night.  I was apart, the awkward extra who doesn't really belong to the group.

Mmm... when I put it that way, I feel kinda guilty for objectifying them.

Don't get me wrong, they were all very nice people.  They were all very kind and polite to me.  I'm not, in anyway, trying to say that these people were not good people.

They just weren't my people.

And I didn't belong.  So I didn't really try very hard to interact.

That awkward stage between people you know and people you don't.... I'm not good there.  At least, not in social settings.

I did have fun.  I really did.  I just think I would have had more fun if I wasn't completely tense the entire time.

Hmmm.  Something to ponder.

Have you ever typed while sitting on the floor in lotus position with a ramrod straight back and feet neatly tucked in on themselves?

Hmm..  You're missing out.

For those of you who don't believe in yoga, I strongly suggest you check it out.

And in other news - Matt's gone back to Moscow, other Matt's gone to Pocatello, and suddenly I feel very alone.

Anyone wanna go school shopping with me?

I suddenly find myself awed by the power of people.  Not the great big angry corrupting power, but the simple day to day power.

Last night was the culmination of three days of events, or actually, really of about four years of events.  And it didn't end quite the way I wanted it to.  And the apathy really really sucked.

At about 9 o'clock, I went for a 30 minute walk around my town just to clear my head.  As soon as I got back, I was surrounded by people.  Not literally, of course, but through IMs and texts.  Cody and Doug immediately started talking me through it.  Skylar, who only got meager details, was totally ready to flatter me into grinning a few dozen times.  Derik, having no clue what happened at all, asked if something was wrong and what he could do.

But here's the kicker.  I hadn't told Sheldie the most recent events, but he sent me a song saying it would "fix me."  When I tried to protest accepting it, all he said was "ahem".  So I listened to it.  And it happened to be, not something punk rock like I'd expect from Sheldie, but an 8 minute jazz piece.  And it did.  It fixed me.  I asked him how he knew it would, and he just said, "I'm your brother.  I know."

Basically - I was happy and healthy and feeling human again by midnight, three hours after everything came crashing down.  And I was content with what had happened.  I was almost glad that it HAD happened.  I got over it several hours before I expected to.  And it was easy.  And I'm not even a little spooked anymore.

And it was all due to the power of people, most of whom who had no idea was had happened.

So - thanks.

K.  I'm pretty well ready to crawl into a hole right about now.  Let me know if you have any lying around that I can borrow for an hour or a year or a lifetime.

I'm surprised, really.  I didn't realize apathy could bite as hard as rejection.

I feel sick to my stomach.  Quite literally.  As if this being the culmination of the last few days has made me physically ill.

You know, I've always believed in honesty.  I've always thought that the best choice was to tell the truth.  To be completely open.  But somehow... transparency is not helping my situation.

Time to give up and glare at random passersby again.

Time to play dumb.

[Insert a couple thousand expletives here, thanks.]

And for full details, those of you who have access and bothered to remember the URL can read my other blog.

Sheldon texted me tonight saying "I'm doing it again...."  Well guess what Sheldon.  So am I.  And it's a really really stupid idea.

There's something about seeing your school friends during the summer that's just weird.

I have a ton of friends that I see all summer, of course, but there are certain friends that I only really see during the school year.  Friends that aren't really close enough to be worth exerting the extra effort or gas money for.

But then there are those instances around town when I see random people that I'm close to, but not close enough for real summer contact.

It's like... seeing pictures of your parents when they were kids or going to your teachers' houses.  Such people just don't EXIST in such places.  During the summer, school friends don't really exist.  They've gone out of one's personal sphere and it's almost as if they've gone out of every sphere.

I don't mean to sound self-centered or anything, as if people are only important when I'm with them.  That's not what I mean at all.

It's just... seeing people I haven't seen in a while a good month before I planned to see them next is just... weird.

I spent a lot of time with Christine tonight.  We went to WalMart and Barnes&Noble and then went to her house and talked for a couple of hours.  She's been gone for a long time, so this is the first time we've spent together since the beginning of the summer.  And I've gotta admit, I missed the female contact.

Most of my friends in general are guys, and nearly all of the friends I hang out with are guys.  And while I've absolutely loved spending time with Sheldie and Gabe and Cody and such this summer... there are a few things that get lost in translation.  Sheldon is my brother, the guy I go to for nearly everything.  But there's that "nearly" there.  And so in spending time with Christine... wow.  It was crazy.

And good.

Oh, and I've decided I'm ready for school to start.  I drive past my school on my way to work, and I realized that I'm ready to get back there.  Get senior year over.  I mean, I've got my college apps nearly filled out.  I'm just ready to get them sent in and get back into a schedule.  Summer's great and all... but I always more of a winter chick.

I started this blog nearly three years ago.  And I haven't written in it for nearly that long.  I've only kept it alive the last long time in order to be able to comment on friends blogs.  You know, I've had a number of blogs over the last six or so years.  I started with a livejournal, to which I was highly faithful for a long long time.  I then got this one, mostly to just view and comment other people's blogs.  My MySpace blog was kick-ass, in my opinion, with seriously deep philosophy and a few rants that got me in trouble.  But then I deleted my MySpace account, so I guess that's that.  I've had a few Blogger accounts, including the blog that I'm currently writing in.  I never can seem to keep a blog going for a long period of time.  Hmm.

Well.  Somebody (I don't even know who) told me to update this blog.  So... congratulations.  I feel motivated.  I may even write occasionally.  Don't expect too much, but I'll try.  Merry Christmas.