no ordinary moments

I've discovered something.  I'm not good at interacting with people.

Okay, let me revise that.  I'm no good at interacting with people I sorta know.

When I'm with close or even semi-close friends, I'm okay.  I'm comfortable and willing to talk and hang out and have a generally good time.  When I'm with total strangers, I'm also mostly okay.  I don't mind talking and being myself.  But when I'm with people that I know slightly, people that I could easily point out and possibly tell you their extra-curricular activities, probably what clique they belong to, and what they're mostly like.... meaning general acquaintances... I'm no good at being friendly.

Tonight, I found myself in a situation where I spent my time staring at walls rather than engaging in conversation with the other seven people at the table.  Where I watched them as if they were a mildly interesting television program, not like they were actual people.  I watched them; I didn't really say much all night.  I was apart, the awkward extra who doesn't really belong to the group.

Mmm... when I put it that way, I feel kinda guilty for objectifying them.

Don't get me wrong, they were all very nice people.  They were all very kind and polite to me.  I'm not, in anyway, trying to say that these people were not good people.

They just weren't my people.

And I didn't belong.  So I didn't really try very hard to interact.

That awkward stage between people you know and people you don't.... I'm not good there.  At least, not in social settings.

I did have fun.  I really did.  I just think I would have had more fun if I wasn't completely tense the entire time.

Hmmm.  Something to ponder.